Grace and Gratitude

I had the pleasure of hearing Dr Mark Rowe speak recently, and for me it, and I suspect many others, it was good to be reminded of is the pschological benefits of gratitude, which he described as

“wanting what you already have”

and he recommended gratitude practices such as journaling three things you are grateful for each day.

Photo by My Life Journal on Unsplash

In some respects our brains can be said to have evolved to help to keep us safe from danger, next, obtain the things we lack and then, if and when circumstances allow, to move on to other matters. Once obtained, the thing we wanted slips from view - no longer bathed in the roseate glow of dopamine and with the aura of endorphin fading fast - and we’re back to wanting the next thing. And as Bhudda, and many others since have noted, this constant sense of wanting what we lack leaves us in a situation where our experience of life is often ‘unsatisfactory’ or ‘transitory’.

One of the many things I liked about that “wanting what we have” re-frame is the way it so neatly trips our usual mind-set.
If we want what we already have perhaps the satisfaction we sought when we went to the trouble of getting it is kept alive.
Or if we want what we already have, we may notice it is enough.
Or that it is beautiful.
Or that it is good to be alive.

And this reminded me that in many households and communities, until very recently, a communal expression of gratitude would have been made at least two or three times a day: the saying of Grace before eating. Most of these prayers and blessings are embedded in the religious context from which they came, and most were very overtly theological and few had the earthy humanity of Robert Burn’s

Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, Sae let the Lord be Thankit!

And although I’m old enough to remember grace being said from time to time, I’m also young enough that these were often hurried and slightly fading traditions at the time. The association with religion in a time of increasing secularism has meant that the routine expression of thanks at mealtimes is on probably on the wane. Newer forms of grace are being created by humanist traditions as well as being brought to western attention from eastern religions too. Some marvellous ones can be found here. The simplest ‘grace’ I’ve ever participated in was with a group of friends who’d developed the fun and very-life affirming habit of singing a single word “Yum” in unison before eating. The most common remaining grace - one hopes - is thanking the person or people who prepared the food.

Perhaps we need to find ways to bring this routine and genuine expression of thanks back into our lives. What is noticeable about many of the newer graces, it doesn’t matter so much who you think you are thanking - just saying thanks seems to work.

There is of course a wonderful paradox encapsulated in being grateful - ‘wanting what you’ve already got’ - for a meal. Because like cake, you cannot have the meal, and eat it; for once eaten, it is gone. As a Sanskrit grace notes, the eater is like Shiva - a destroyer. And in this we see the roots of that constant feeling of ‘wanting the next thing’ - staying alive for most of evolutionary history entailed always looking for the next meal. Perhaps we should at the end of the meal say what my Grandfather once overheard a lady at Inverness Station say to a friend - ‘it has been so nice to have had you’.

Post Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash